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When is the time to move on after a marital break-up
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What God has brought together, no man should put asunder so goes the holy command that goes not with an advice but also with a warning that those in marriage do not need an extra pair of hands in their affair.
The nature of a marital union in any culture, race and creed has been designed such that there should never been any break-up. Religion would warn that the Lord almighty had intended that marriage becomes a permanent institution. The same can be said of our indigenous method of marriage, which is designed that there should be eternal union of a husband and his wife.
However, there has been a cross-influence from civil rites marriage that is as entangled in legality as it is in religion. When the marriage falls apart, there is a way out - divorce.
Whereas there is no divorce in the former, the latter has had an impact kulobomake labatekwa also to divorce. Scales would choose to call it detachment. That is, however, not the imbalance here. The crux of the matter is when a divorced or detached woman suppose or expected to move on with life after the marriage failure. It would be more precise to ask if she needs her ex-husband’s consent to fall in love with a stranger ever again in life!
No man is happy to realise that his ex-wife has fallen in love again even if he is the major culprit in the marital break-up. These multi-legged creatures who run faster with their Third yet Shortest Member Of their Legs can be so naïve, stupid, unrealistic, stubborn and downright oppressive in matters of break-up in marriage.
He would expect the woman to be locked in celibacy whilst they fight over divorce matters. Given the nature of the marital contract, that could be expected. However, it becomes an imbalance that the very same man who wants his wife to remain a “virgin” is a kangaroo who jumps from one bed to the other. He would quote and use the very same separation and ultimate divorce as a cause of his lightning speed in sexual mobility.
Aren’t women human beings too who may need a shoulder to cry on in torrid times brought by a break up? Why, the bastard could be also responsible for frustrating the divorce proceedings and suffering from denial that the marriage is over.
Still, he expects his wife kutsi ahlale ngentfombi until the divorce is finished, sibe sihlamahlama sona silwane kubo Grace, Gertrude naboJulia. That being said, women in civil rites marriage are not worse off than their sisters “labatibika ngelishoba lengongoni” ekuseni lokwa ngetingweti breaking into a solemn song that they are married. Our sisters in western marriage have a legal proceeding to apply in order to get out. Once they are out, they are free like doves angagana ngisho makhelwane wakhe lomjita abemshadile.
Alas, our sisters laba bekutekwa suffer the plight of never being free to move on with life when the marriage has failed. They seem to suffer the prejudice not only from their estranged husbands but also from members of society. Kutsiwa nje ngumfati wakaMasilela lo, umentani? This is an indication that she will never have life with a man and is by no means expected to taste let alone swallow Sweet Bananas again despite that her hubby has left her.
First things first, this marriage ranges on the peripherals of coercion. That woman’s decision and participation in the marriage is very limited and minimal. All she does is go to Mafucula for a visit ayobana umjita wakhe the next morning her status has changed, she is somebody’s wife.
From that moment of forced marital union, she he would have forfeited the liberty to be herself in matters of love. Even if she would dispute the very marriage, utaba ngumfati waMjulumba Sifundza eMafucula. If she dares fall in love with another man in defiance of the marriage, she is said to be committing adultery.
Holy Nebuchadnezzar! You quarrels, fights and differences in marriage occur at any time but are mostly prevalent at the prime of the couple’s life when each is still in need of vigorous participation in Olympic Sports. Umlobokati nje at thirty years of age can realise a failure in marriage and be out in the streets looking for love once again outside her marital home.
This is the situation that warrants the conflict between ex-wife and ex-husband. She is according to the latter not supposed to fall in love for donkey’s years. The chap ain’t going to trouble the woman so long as he doesn’t get hint of her in love with another man.
They would remain peacefully in separation. Lo and behold, the moment she finds love lendvodza iva noma ika Lavumisa lomake aseBulembu. Trouble would ensue. He would tell everybody somebody is having an affair with, “my wife”.
He could have left the woman many years ago and remarried for that matter. In some instances he could be even aware of the differences that led to the split. That is what legal personnel call irreconcilable differences. A man would accept that until lomfati agane enye indoda. Husband former would go gaga in anger. Purely, the woman is not expected, let alone given the opportunity to move on.
Scales has it of this fella Mfomude Mndzebele who had long separated with his wife uLaMagagula, a nurse at Velakahle Health Centre. For years, he neither cared what the woman was doing nor where their children were.
However, someday he was passing by the said clinic and to his shock; he spotted a vehicle parked right in front of the woman’s house. He became furious. He made it his duty to come and investigate. As misfortune would have it, the car was there again. Yavela yatseleka ngekhatsi inkalakatha, rage taking the better part of him. Soon, he was rapping the door with his shaking fingers, “Yeyi vula, ngimi nginguMndzebele babe waTemakhonkhosi.”
There was no response for a long time whilst he was fuming at the door. His mind was racing and for the first time recalling how beautiful his ex-wife was. Finally, somebody opened the door in response to knocking kwaku yindvodza lekhulile nje sibili, ivunule lithawule elukhalo icimbile ngetulu. The aggressor was terrified first of the huge figure almost naked imposed in front of him and annoyed at the thought of what he might have been doing inside the house that would require him to be naked in brought daylight.
He wanted to know who the man was. ‘NginguMavuso ngitsandzana nalomake lohlala landlini, uLaMagagula.” Very soon, even before he would respond, the man asked to be excused because he was busy. “Mnumzane usitfola sibhizi, kukhona inshwana lengiyenta lomake, ngifuna ayibone kahle kukhanya”. Soon he slammed the door unto his bewildered face. Lomake abesebenta a nightshift at the clinic hence the shukuma bedroom sports emini.
UMkhonkhosi is said to have come again armed with a knobkerrie this time but alas the man was not there. He confronted his ex-wife about the man. Coolly, the woman reminded uyise webantfwana that, “Wawuvele udukile Mndzebele, akusiko kaLaMaseko la, umfati wakho. NginguGertrude Magagula mine, lona lowamala, batitfolela ke boMavuso. She even went on to brag a little about her new found love, “Cha kona ungiphetse kahle waNcele. Khohlwa nguyatimanagala kutsandvwa kangaka. Ungatsi nje wangiyela esikolweni wangidadisha wangiphasa ngemalengiso.” You see, scenarios like this do not teach the man to let go, rather he would approach the courts, the media and claim someone is committing adultery with his wife. A man by his very nature will never be comfortable in telling the world that his wife is cheating.
He would pretend she is not even if he knows or keep it a family secret. Once he tells the world as they normally do through newspapers, you will be sure that he has long separated with the woman and there are no chances that she could come back - so its sour grapes.
Or he has stopped loving the woman and wants to move on with a new find - he is tainting the lady’s good name to justify his infidelity or he is just a miserable and desperate loser - he still wants the woman back and thus holding unto a straw as he is being swept by a marital break tide. Scales would ask for the umpteenth time, which is the right time for a woman to move on when she is separated from her husband? Do men expect the Honey Pot to remain untouched till the woman breathes her last?
Whilst Mkhulu Mudengenduku acknowledges that umfati akaliwa according to societal indigenous culture, he doesn’t ignore the fact that lokunye kwemagujavu kungamlibatisa nje uma anesitunge.
Under no circumstances is she going to be re-married by a new man altogether kuba nje kukadlani uhambe. Even the woman would be conscious that despite the marriage failure she is still umfati wakaSimelane and respect Benguni for the sake of her children.
Culture has it that such a woman, particularly when she had erred by virtue of adultery, she would be set aside, out of her marital home and man would desert her bed but not their children. However, should he see another man crouching noma ikhwehlela lengekhatsi he would fight avuke injebovu and remember kutsi ngumkakhe lo.
What happens then when the woman emuka nje wahamba far away from the man? Is she still expected kutsi ahlale ngentfombi? This is a mystery that harbours on the peripherals of an imbalance societally. Mkhulu Mudengenduku, advising Scales did also mention that some of this men become so incensed if lomlibatisi ngulendvodza leyamonisa lomake.
The ex-husband uva ngatsi wemukwa lomkakhe. Besides, men have this tendency of loving their wives permanently. Who knows, his refusal that she moves on could be in good faith? He is missing the goodies lekuLaMatsenjwa and forging that asale abuya because uyamgabadzela ngelutsandvo despite that he is re-married to another woman.
Inhlupheko lesetikikileni temadvondza!
The nature of a marital union in any culture, race and creed has been designed such that there should never been any break-up. Religion would warn that the Lord almighty had intended that marriage becomes a permanent institution. The same can be said of our indigenous method of marriage, which is designed that there should be eternal union of a husband and his wife.
However, there has been a cross-influence from civil rites marriage that is as entangled in legality as it is in religion. When the marriage falls apart, there is a way out - divorce.
Whereas there is no divorce in the former, the latter has had an impact kulobomake labatekwa also to divorce. Scales would choose to call it detachment. That is, however, not the imbalance here. The crux of the matter is when a divorced or detached woman suppose or expected to move on with life after the marriage failure. It would be more precise to ask if she needs her ex-husband’s consent to fall in love with a stranger ever again in life!
No man is happy to realise that his ex-wife has fallen in love again even if he is the major culprit in the marital break-up. These multi-legged creatures who run faster with their Third yet Shortest Member Of their Legs can be so naïve, stupid, unrealistic, stubborn and downright oppressive in matters of break-up in marriage.
He would expect the woman to be locked in celibacy whilst they fight over divorce matters. Given the nature of the marital contract, that could be expected. However, it becomes an imbalance that the very same man who wants his wife to remain a “virgin” is a kangaroo who jumps from one bed to the other. He would quote and use the very same separation and ultimate divorce as a cause of his lightning speed in sexual mobility.
Aren’t women human beings too who may need a shoulder to cry on in torrid times brought by a break up? Why, the bastard could be also responsible for frustrating the divorce proceedings and suffering from denial that the marriage is over.
Still, he expects his wife kutsi ahlale ngentfombi until the divorce is finished, sibe sihlamahlama sona silwane kubo Grace, Gertrude naboJulia. That being said, women in civil rites marriage are not worse off than their sisters “labatibika ngelishoba lengongoni” ekuseni lokwa ngetingweti breaking into a solemn song that they are married. Our sisters in western marriage have a legal proceeding to apply in order to get out. Once they are out, they are free like doves angagana ngisho makhelwane wakhe lomjita abemshadile.
Alas, our sisters laba bekutekwa suffer the plight of never being free to move on with life when the marriage has failed. They seem to suffer the prejudice not only from their estranged husbands but also from members of society. Kutsiwa nje ngumfati wakaMasilela lo, umentani? This is an indication that she will never have life with a man and is by no means expected to taste let alone swallow Sweet Bananas again despite that her hubby has left her.
First things first, this marriage ranges on the peripherals of coercion. That woman’s decision and participation in the marriage is very limited and minimal. All she does is go to Mafucula for a visit ayobana umjita wakhe the next morning her status has changed, she is somebody’s wife.
From that moment of forced marital union, she he would have forfeited the liberty to be herself in matters of love. Even if she would dispute the very marriage, utaba ngumfati waMjulumba Sifundza eMafucula. If she dares fall in love with another man in defiance of the marriage, she is said to be committing adultery.
Holy Nebuchadnezzar! You quarrels, fights and differences in marriage occur at any time but are mostly prevalent at the prime of the couple’s life when each is still in need of vigorous participation in Olympic Sports. Umlobokati nje at thirty years of age can realise a failure in marriage and be out in the streets looking for love once again outside her marital home.
This is the situation that warrants the conflict between ex-wife and ex-husband. She is according to the latter not supposed to fall in love for donkey’s years. The chap ain’t going to trouble the woman so long as he doesn’t get hint of her in love with another man.
They would remain peacefully in separation. Lo and behold, the moment she finds love lendvodza iva noma ika Lavumisa lomake aseBulembu. Trouble would ensue. He would tell everybody somebody is having an affair with, “my wife”.
He could have left the woman many years ago and remarried for that matter. In some instances he could be even aware of the differences that led to the split. That is what legal personnel call irreconcilable differences. A man would accept that until lomfati agane enye indoda. Husband former would go gaga in anger. Purely, the woman is not expected, let alone given the opportunity to move on.
Scales has it of this fella Mfomude Mndzebele who had long separated with his wife uLaMagagula, a nurse at Velakahle Health Centre. For years, he neither cared what the woman was doing nor where their children were.
However, someday he was passing by the said clinic and to his shock; he spotted a vehicle parked right in front of the woman’s house. He became furious. He made it his duty to come and investigate. As misfortune would have it, the car was there again. Yavela yatseleka ngekhatsi inkalakatha, rage taking the better part of him. Soon, he was rapping the door with his shaking fingers, “Yeyi vula, ngimi nginguMndzebele babe waTemakhonkhosi.”
There was no response for a long time whilst he was fuming at the door. His mind was racing and for the first time recalling how beautiful his ex-wife was. Finally, somebody opened the door in response to knocking kwaku yindvodza lekhulile nje sibili, ivunule lithawule elukhalo icimbile ngetulu. The aggressor was terrified first of the huge figure almost naked imposed in front of him and annoyed at the thought of what he might have been doing inside the house that would require him to be naked in brought daylight.
He wanted to know who the man was. ‘NginguMavuso ngitsandzana nalomake lohlala landlini, uLaMagagula.” Very soon, even before he would respond, the man asked to be excused because he was busy. “Mnumzane usitfola sibhizi, kukhona inshwana lengiyenta lomake, ngifuna ayibone kahle kukhanya”. Soon he slammed the door unto his bewildered face. Lomake abesebenta a nightshift at the clinic hence the shukuma bedroom sports emini.
UMkhonkhosi is said to have come again armed with a knobkerrie this time but alas the man was not there. He confronted his ex-wife about the man. Coolly, the woman reminded uyise webantfwana that, “Wawuvele udukile Mndzebele, akusiko kaLaMaseko la, umfati wakho. NginguGertrude Magagula mine, lona lowamala, batitfolela ke boMavuso. She even went on to brag a little about her new found love, “Cha kona ungiphetse kahle waNcele. Khohlwa nguyatimanagala kutsandvwa kangaka. Ungatsi nje wangiyela esikolweni wangidadisha wangiphasa ngemalengiso.” You see, scenarios like this do not teach the man to let go, rather he would approach the courts, the media and claim someone is committing adultery with his wife. A man by his very nature will never be comfortable in telling the world that his wife is cheating.
He would pretend she is not even if he knows or keep it a family secret. Once he tells the world as they normally do through newspapers, you will be sure that he has long separated with the woman and there are no chances that she could come back - so its sour grapes.
Or he has stopped loving the woman and wants to move on with a new find - he is tainting the lady’s good name to justify his infidelity or he is just a miserable and desperate loser - he still wants the woman back and thus holding unto a straw as he is being swept by a marital break tide. Scales would ask for the umpteenth time, which is the right time for a woman to move on when she is separated from her husband? Do men expect the Honey Pot to remain untouched till the woman breathes her last?
Whilst Mkhulu Mudengenduku acknowledges that umfati akaliwa according to societal indigenous culture, he doesn’t ignore the fact that lokunye kwemagujavu kungamlibatisa nje uma anesitunge.
Under no circumstances is she going to be re-married by a new man altogether kuba nje kukadlani uhambe. Even the woman would be conscious that despite the marriage failure she is still umfati wakaSimelane and respect Benguni for the sake of her children.
Culture has it that such a woman, particularly when she had erred by virtue of adultery, she would be set aside, out of her marital home and man would desert her bed but not their children. However, should he see another man crouching noma ikhwehlela lengekhatsi he would fight avuke injebovu and remember kutsi ngumkakhe lo.
What happens then when the woman emuka nje wahamba far away from the man? Is she still expected kutsi ahlale ngentfombi? This is a mystery that harbours on the peripherals of an imbalance societally. Mkhulu Mudengenduku, advising Scales did also mention that some of this men become so incensed if lomlibatisi ngulendvodza leyamonisa lomake.
The ex-husband uva ngatsi wemukwa lomkakhe. Besides, men have this tendency of loving their wives permanently. Who knows, his refusal that she moves on could be in good faith? He is missing the goodies lekuLaMatsenjwa and forging that asale abuya because uyamgabadzela ngelutsandvo despite that he is re-married to another woman.
Inhlupheko lesetikikileni temadvondza!
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